THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2009:
CRITTERS (1986)
Plot Synopsis: It's no picnic for the Brown family when a lethal litter of carnivorous aliens arrives unannounced at their Kansas farm. Trapped in a deadly nightmare, the terrified Browns fight for their lives against the attacking bloodthirsty monsters. But it's a losing battle until two intergalactic bounty hunters arrive, determined to blow the hellish creatures off the planet! It's an alien adventure, full of action and just crawling with Critters!
Director:
Stephen Herek (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Mr. Holland's Opus)
Starring:
Dee Wallace (E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, The Frighteners)
M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner, Blood Simple)
Terrence Mann (A Chorus Line, Big Top Pee-Wee)
Running Time: 96 minutes.
Film Facts:
-Siskel & Ebert gave Critters 2 Thumbs Up.
-Critters is the movie Raphael goes to see in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (1990) before he meets Casey Jones. That popped into my head when I saw the Critters poster, then I verified it. I'm not a nerd though, I'm totally cool.
Attendees: Brie, Cory, Mike, Roger, Ryan, Stephan.
Movie Rating: 6/10
B-Movie Rating: 6/10 Stars
Standout Character: The Hero's Mom
Helen Brown (played by Dee Wallace).Loving mother, devoted wife, hysterical nutcase, and most effective 'Critter' fighter in the film. You can keep your alien laser cannons & high-powered fireworks, she doesn't need 'em. With a half-eaten ass-kicked husband & useless daughter in tow, Mom is left in her panicky state to shoot, club, kick and scream the aliens from one end of the house to the other.
Top 8 Lessons Learned From This Film:
8. Farmers won't eat or drink anything without adding honey to it.
7. New York City is an easy drive from most small mid-western towns.
6. The most delicious cut of a farmer is his left shoulder. (Try it!)
5. Alien Bounty Hunters hate organ music.
4. Farmers always have 3 shotguns on hand, but never more than 6 bullets.
3. When tracking small carnivorous aliens, bounty hunters always check Churches & Bowling Alleys first.
2. If you live in a farmhouse you are legally required to cover everything you own with floral print.
AND...
1. Cats are immune to gigantic explosions.
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